Season two of HBO’s True Blood is coming to a close. A slow, repetitious, grating close. Even though, as always, the teaser for the final three episodes promised something action packed about chainsaws.
I’ve been watching True Blood since the season one premiere. Overall, I finished the season feeling indifferent. The season wrapped up good enough, vampires weren’t the villain, and Sam had some bad luck with someone ripping out people’s hearts in his parking lot. I chalked up the lack of exciting story to the show letting us get to know the characters, the relationships, and the weirdness going on around them.
But season two didn’t take the season one torch and run with it. It just stood there. Looking pale.
I find it interesting that we’ve learned nothing more about Sookie’s past. All we know is that she hears the thoughts of others, a family member abused her, and she loved her grandmother. The only time we were given another flake of interest in Sookie’s background was through Barry the Bell Hop’s encounter with Bill’s maker, Daphne. Daphne noted that Barry was “different,” yet during the Daphne/Sookie spat, Daphne apparently didn’t notice that Sookie was “different.” Ultimately, the main character of the show is the one we care least about (I’ve talked to people who have read the books and know what Sookie is, but this is TV. Gotta give the people a nugget so they feel like they’re figuring things out and stay interested. See: Lost – Season Two as a “don’t.”)
The episode outlines of this season have been stuck on repeat, just dressed in different clothes every week. Here’s the basic breakdown of every single episode:
Throw in some Maryann-makes-people crazy and some Jessica-is-a-vamp-we-feel-bad-for and you round out the hour.
The entire Dallas storyline was a fantastic waste of time. From what I gather, its only purpose was to allow female viewers to fall in love with Alexander Skarsgård. The show spent episodes flipping between the Dallas vampires scheming to rescue their assume-kidnapped Sheriff, Godric, and the shenanigans of Jason Stackhouse running amuck inside the Fellowship of the Sun.
In the end, we learn that Godric gave himself freely to the Fellowship, without telling his underlings, in an attempt to bring understanding between vamps and humans. Instead, it all backfired. Humans and vampires were killed, the Fellowship still exists, Godric got fired. Godric might as well have just shrugged and offered an, “Wakka wakka!” before he was torched.
Meanwhile, THERE IS A GOD TERRORIZING WHATEVERTHETOWNISCALLED. I’d rather see Sookie and Fang Gang go tête-à-tête (oohlala! Accents!) with New Zuul than a bunch of whiny mortals flashing promise rings. But even this storyline has been more of the same. Maryann shakes, people’s eyes turn black, they fight, they sex, they wake up not remembering anything, she wants Sam. Maryann shakes, people’s eyes turn black, they fight, they sex, they wake up not remembering anything, she wants Sam. Maryann shakes, people’s eyes turn black, they fight, they sex, they wake up not remembering anything, she wants Sam.
The writers have finally returned us to the season one cliff hanger, the missing heart mystery, Now we’re going to assume that within three episodes, the Vampire Scooby-Doo team is going to blur-run back into town, quickly put together that, OMG, Maryann is a God, and do away with her, all while dropping a big coming-in-season-three loose end.
I think all we really learned this season is that clearly Anna Paquin now does topless scenes.
Random story, just before season one started filming, I saved her flat screen TV from rolling off the curb into the Best Buy parking lot. She was waiting for a cab to take her and her massive TV home. She didn’t say thank you. Hmpf.
I’ll finish out this season. But I’m starting to feel like True Blood is a show that everyone thinks they should be watching just because everyone else thinks they should be watching it.
If there’s one small shining light in my time locked inside my self-imposed True Blah prison, I am impressed with the way the official site handles episode guides. The site overall knows what it should be, even though they still slip up with side-sites that no one cares about.