[sniff sniff] I smell Can Tag...

Two things...

1.) I'm back, but I can't say how long.

2.) No, I couldn't hold out for 5 weeks. Shut up KYLE.

SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED
Gone away for awhile. Back when I know where I'm going.

YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR
For me, there are two events in your life that define you as an entertainment "superstar." The first is you can trade "stock" in yourself at the "HOLLYWOOD STOCK EXCHANGE." The second it that when you search for your name in the INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE" you appear.

NOW, I'm also a hockey fan, so to know that one of my favorite hockey players is also now an entertainment superstar, life is good.

Welcome to Hollywood BRENDAN SHANAHAN.

I'D LIKE TO REST MY HEAVY HEAD TONIGHT
I think THIS best describes what's been on my mind lately. If you look close enough you can pretty much figure out everything that's playing through my head.

OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH, COOL-COOL KITTY
So what happens when you take one crazy FAN, a camera, and the hunt for his favorite movie? You get an ADVENTURE.

Did you forget Kyle's birthday (March 31st)? Well it's not too late. Everything Kyle would want is right HERE.

BETTER OFF DEAD
BLOGGER. That's all I need to say.

TODAY IS THE DAY, FOR DANCING AND FOR SINGING
I am a believer in the HOME STAR RUNNER.

WE'RE BORN AGAIN, THERE'S NEW GRASS ON THE FIELD
All I want for any gift giving event, is 10 fresh, new and beautiful BASEBALLS.

AND IF YOU'RE THE QUEEN OF CALIFORNIA, BABY I AM THE KING OF THE RAIN
Me, I love the rain. Especially when it's warm enough to hit your face and not bother you. I love the sound of thunderstorms, I love the sight of lightning. I love the smell that comes in the air before and after a storm. We actually had our first spring thunderstorm tear through a few nights ago and I had my windows open and slept so well.

But today, the rain pisses me off. Well, not actually the rain, but people talking about the rain. It's like just because it hasn't rained in four months (well, as much as it did this morning) people have to dust off the old cliches and get updates every two minutes. "Staying dry Dave?" "Did you get wet Dave?" "Is it still raining Dave?" "Where's your umbrella Dave?" Damnit, leave me alone. Of course I got wet, that's what rain does...makes things wet. And how would I know if it's still raining? Do you bastards let me look out the window? No. Go look yourself, freaks. And I don't have an umbrella because I like the rain, I'm not afraid to get wet. I'll dry, life goes on.

You'd think rain was like the social event of the season. It also doesn't help that on Wednesdays I'm usually crabby and tired anyway so the stupidity of their questions only enrages me more. And I know it's ridiculous to get nuts over something so trivial, but like you've never done it before...

Let me enjoy my rain.

Jesus CHRIST. $6,000 dollars a year for tuition, you'd THINK they'd let me install Instant Messenger. But noooooo. Fuck, internet does not EXIST without Instant Messenger.

I'm writing from school now, they unleashed my class into a computer lab...fools. I'm on a friggin' mac again (PowerPC Kyle, how do you like THAT one). Not really sure what I want to say here, wish I had Instant Messenger. Damnit...

HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
1093 hits yesterday people. That's absurd for me. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about the server thing, I've been offered some HELP but I think I have another idea.

BLOG TIP#6: GET OVER IT!
Okay, I know my next blog tip was scheduled to be "For Christ's sake…proofread!" but that's pretty self explanatory.

So I changed gears. Sadly, I dislike the fact that I can't name blogs that are PERFECT examples for my lessons but I think if you read them you know who you are. I also have to be "obscure" in this blog because then feelings get hurt. But here's today's tip, I'm sure people can figure out if it's them or not, ready.

JUST GET OVER IT! CHRIST.

Thank you.

Next Lesson: Damned if I know, I haven't thought about it...

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT
Well, it seems I've created a dilema for myself. Dreamhost (my server) sent me an e-mail telling me you people are going to exceed my data transfer for the month. The problem is this. It's only the 10th of the month. I COULD shut this site down for a month and save my ass, or leave it open...what do you think?

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME
Yesterday THE ROBERT PATRICK EXPERIENCE received 4,017 hits. We were total media whores to HAVEN and X-FILES UK but we TOTALLY appreciate the publicity.

What's that you say? You want more X-FILES set pictures? Well that's good because I just added twelve more...

Welcome inside the life of THE FORDS...

Did someone say X-FILES set pictures?

So what are you supposed to do when your heart is in one PLACE but your mind is in ANOTHER?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING SO LING AT THESE PICTURES OF YOU
The pictures are in dudes...

...and that means X-FILES set pics...

TO THE THUGS SWEATIN' UP IN THE CHOP SHOPS, YO, IT'S FRIDAY
Man, this sucks. I have no work to do, I'm bored, falling asleep and my boss is gone. Of course I should leave but my boss could come back at any time, that's the kicker. I'm pretty much pinned here until 4:30. This just sucks.

[grumble grumble]

HUNGRY LIKE A WOLF
I just called Wolf Camera in Vernon Hills to see if my pictures would be ready. The guy said, "We're up to our ears, probably 5:00 tonight." Yeah, well they better be. I will NOT be denied my California memories.

COME CRASH INTO ME
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"i blindfolded my kids and sent them out in the hallway to crash into walls and stuff."
     - BRITT HOULIHAN

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BABE IT MUST BE ART
Damnit. Not even 9:00 o'clock yet and I've already read all the BLOGS I have bookmarked and done all my usual internet surfing. Now what am I supposed to do? Work?

THE PHOTOGRAPH ON THE DASHBOARD
I took down my photos for awhile. In part because the link looked like total ass and that in a few days I'm going to have a crapload more to show you. KYLE let me steal some good code. A bit time consuming but it will look nice when I'm done.

Stay tuned...

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
Stupid INSTANT MESSENGER. So much for talking to me that way. So now if you'd like me to fix one of my links (some of you I don't know your last names, if you want them there please tell me) just E-MAIL my angry self.

HULK GET MAD.

AND I WONDER...
Still I wonder...who'll stop the rain? I can hear it raining outside (the rain smacks on top of our office building, it has a flat roof). I missed the rain, I missed thunderstorms more. I'm waiting for those again.

Oh and for the record, from the mouth of KYLE FORD, "Creedence is life. No, Creedence is God."

MMM...PIE...
I finally just gave up, and like everyone else, tossed my links on the front page. That way I can delete my links window and not have to worry about window sizing and that crap. Enjoy the drinks and pie...

If you see I've made a mistake with your name or link (if I have linked you or hell, even if you WANT to be linked), E-MAIL me, or INSTANT MESSAGE me.

BLOG TIP #5: Make it look smooooooth...
Back in action, time to release formatting fear back into the blog community. And take note, I might just be talking about YOU...

Now when I say "make it look smooth" I'm talking about two things. Text format and the look of your overall site.

With many sites, I notice that there is a flow problem when I read the text. The spacing is wrong or lines cut off like the enter key was pressed mid-sentence. This makes for obnoxious reading. Blogger text wraps to the window size automatically. Please, only press the enter key when making a new paragraph (for those of you who even understand HOW to do a paragraph).

Making your site look smooth is an easy thing to do. If you don't know anything about web design, fear not. BLOGGER offers 4 ready-to-go blog formats so you don't have to catch up on twenty years of web technology (you stupid ape). While they may be boring templates, they'll do the job. There is nothing worse than finding a blog which has graphics and terrible colors strewn about so you don't know where to go. It may look cool...but pisses me off. Your reader shouldn't feel attacked by your design. And once again, just because your friends say it's cool, doesn't mean it is. Your friends could be tasteless-dumbasses like yourself.

That's the lesson for today. Image is everything.

Next Lesson: For Christ's sake…proofread!

CALIFORNIA STARS
An exerpt by Billy Bragg and Wilco

"I'd love to feel your hand touching mine
And tell me why I must keep working on
Yes, I'd give my life to lay my head tonight
On a bed of California stars"

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE...MAYBE
I swear, every time I leave Los Angeles something goes wrong. Last time I messed up my flight times and missed my flight. This time my flight was cancelled. I ended up getting an earlier flight (good), but the flight is stopping over in friggin' Denver (bad). Anyway, here I am, 30-some-thousand feet above the Earth (I'm doing this from my PALM PILOT, am I a nerd yet KYLE?) and NOT coming directly home...damnit. I'm just hoping the layover isn't long (but at least now I can say I've been to Denver). Whatever.

Yesterday was cloudy again. It's still better than when Kyle's sister visited and it rained all week. So much for the tan. Actually, there was sun. It would just come out ten minutes before sunset.

Kyle and Sarah took off for work so it was just me and the wonder-hound (who just sleeps all morning). I sadly watched MTV all morning waiting to record the Walken video for Kyle. There is a new band called "Mudvayne" and they have to be a new low in the music industry. It's like they think the "yell poorly enunciated words" music is still "in." Wake up call gentlemen, you've already been filed under "old news."

Kyle came to entertain me at noon. We cruised out to Venice Beach to find a new shirt for my dad to replace his old Venice Beach shirt (dork). The shirts are all on the white-trash side of the fashion scale (3 for $9.99, I'm sure they're quality). Anyway, Venice could be a nice place if it could shake the feeling that everyone the is trying to steal your wallet. That and the fact that in every shop there is a woman of Asian decent either staring you down or following you within six inches. Nothing like the feeling of being attacked to make the customer want to buy something.

(Landing in Denver, back in a few)

One hour later...

Back on the plane. Denver was SO fun! Next time maybe I'll stay longer than an hour (can you sense my sarcasm?)! That just made this day feel longer. Bah.

Where was I? Ah, right, Venice. Interesting crowd inhabits that place. One guy wanted YOU to pay HIM so HE could tell YOU about YOUR sex life. Kyle wanted to give money just for having that idea.

After that, Kyle went back to work (where he never did see Livingston or Swanson) and I spent more time with Krycek the domestic wolf (if you put ANYTHING in front of him long enough, he will try to eat it: most notably a "Matilda" DVD and TV remote).

Kyle finished out the work day and we headed out to the movies. Oh, I almost forgot. We were "on call" in case we could get back on the X-Files set while they were shooting. Unfortunately due to the nature of the episode, security was unbreakable. No, the security was INTENSE. I know hard work went into getting us in, but hey...I'll be back.

Anyway, Kyle and I opted to see "Spykids" which was actually really good. Kyle said it was probably one of the best kids movies in a long time. On top of all that, it had ROBERT PATRICK in it, so I guess on some level we did see RP after all.

Kyle and I went back home and tried to enjoy the television programming. We failed. "Escape From New York" made it's way into the DVD player. For Kyle's birthday he bought himself three new DVDs. "Escape From New York," "TRON," and "The Wrath of Khan." Nice Kyle.

(Landing in Chicago, welcome home, back in a few)

Okay, so that took me awhile to start writing this again, I wanted to start some laundry and drop off my 8 rolls of Los Angeles film.

So anyway, Sarah made it home at a livable hour so I was able to see a little of her before I left. That was good. Then we yucked it up watching "The Animal" trailer staring Rob Schneider. Then I went to bed.

Kyle had to wake up at like 6:30 am so we could get ready to rock. I think the shock of being up that early almost killed him. Kyle dropped me off at the airport and that's when my ordeal with flight cancellations and reschedules and the random Denver airport. I love my life.

Okay kids, believe it or not, I am going to bed soon. I have to re-adjust my clock and get back on some form of time.

THE WAY THE CAMERA FOLLOWS US IN SLOW-MO
Well, I thought I was going to able to blog earlier this morning but my complete inability to use a MAC of any form cause me to delete my blog. Der. So know I’m starting over.

Yesterday was great! The sun finally poked its damn head out of the clouds and lit up Los Angeles. Ahh...felt SO good. Anyway, shall we begin the day?

KYLE headed out to work at the usual time and then came to pick me up for "breakfast" (at 11:30 am). Our "breakfast" consisted of burgers from Carl Jr.'s which is Californian for "Hardees." Then we ROCKETED in the big gold wagon to the home of the former News Digital.

Now in the center of the empty shell of News Digital, they're building a set for some silly show that's probably going to tank anyway. In the center of this set is a treehouse type place with a fire pole and slide (I'll have pictures). Kyle and I really have NO idea what this show is about. Anyway, I think I already mentioned that Kristy Swanson is in it, but today Kyle confirmed that RON LIVINGSTON of OFFICE SPACE and SWINGERS fame is also there. Isn't THAT cool? I mean about Ron...not about Kristy...obviously. Kyle is at work now. Apparently the filming of this has barricaded him in the office. Damnit Kristy.

Where was I? Oh right, Kyle's office yesterday. We chilled for awhile, Kyle cleaned up some work he had to do and made some calls. Eventually Kyle finished what he had to do and we headed out (still waiting for a phone call).

Kyle and I headed up to Griffith's Observatory. Everyone I'm sure has seen the Observatory whether they know it or not. It was first made famous by "Rebel Without a Cause" starring James Dean. It was later made famous by Paula Abdul and Keanu Reeves for Abdul's "Rush, Rush" video (which pretty much copied the idea of "Rebel...") The Observatory has a GREAT view of the smog covered city (hehe) and the Hollywood sign. On top of that, it's just a cool looking old building (built in 1933). There was something being filmed there, something called "Flash Strike" which Kyle deducted to be a made-for-television movie and we quickly dismissed it as newsworthy. The actors looked like a whole set of tools. We spent about 30 minutes there and headed back to New Digital.

On the way back we stopped for "lunch" (it was almost 1:30 pm) at the IN-N-OUT BURGER to live some "BIG LEBOWSKI" action. In-N-Out Burger is hilarious. On their MENU, they have burger, cheeseburger, a Double-Double, fries and drinks. It's good food too. OH! And the FUNNIEST thing happened on the way back for the burger joint. This stupid old man was way out in the intersection when the light turned red and Kyle was stuck near the line because there were cars behind him. The old man put on his reverse lights and began backing up...but he DIDN'T STOP! The moron hit us, we don't even think he knew he hit us. It wasn't terrible and no damage was done but it was just ridiculous.

Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger--
The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger--
Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

So Kyle and I ventured BACK again to News Digital desolation. When we got there, Kyle got THE call, real "red phone" material baby. It seems that my encounter with Mr. ROBERT PATRICK would not be yesterday for he at home, with the day off. And everyone knows that there is NO way you can get a NORMAL man to work on his day off, so getting RP in (a SUPER-human) would be impossible. No big deal really, I appreciate that there was even an effort made by people who don't know me to get this together. Regardless, the person was able to arrange an X-FILES set visit. Kyle and I waited outside on the FOX Studio lot for awhile within clear sight of the 10-13 Productions building (producers of X-Files, Gunmen) and we were "Chris Carter watching." When we got to the set, we were able to score a ton of good pictures (nothing of future episodes revealed). It was great, got to sit in Mulder's desk, Doggett's desk and Scully's toilet...yes, Scully's toilet. If all goes well, I'll have all the pics up this weekend. We also scored some pretty nice THE LONE GUNMEN sweatshirts (quit laughing). Our "representative" is trying today to see if we can get onto the set for the shooting. I guess it's the last day of shooting for the last episode of the season (possibly last show ever) so security is beefed up. I appreciate the effort, but if nothing goes down it's really no problem. More than expected has already been done for us.

So Kyle and I headed home after a great day and ordered buffalo wings from "Big Red Wings." They were close to "Franks for the Memories" in Mundelein, Illinois but they were a little smaller. Still good though. Of course we watched "Big Lebowski" and decided to go back to Barney's for awhile.

Karaoke night at Barney's and surprisingly the people who sang we pretty good, nothing excruciating. It was cool. We chilled there until about midnight, then rolled home and crashed.

And tomorrow I leave so I won't blog until later that after noon. My flight leaves at 9:15 am, Pacific time (7:15 am CST) and I should be home by 5 pm CST if all goes well. You can track my flight HERE again, United Airlines flight 110.

It's been great here but I also can't wait to get home again. I'll talk to everyone soon.

Later kids...

OOPS...I DID IT AGAIN
Yeah...as you can tell last night got a little...sloppy. Anyway, time for the day summary.

Yesterday was slow. KYLE and SARAH attended a church function for Sarah's new place of worship. Kyle said there were some pretty cool people there, he met an animation supervisor from Disney. Pretty cool I guess, Kyle was excited because it's like meeting his idols...the people who drew "The Little Mermaid."

Anyway, I sat around with Krycek the dog until about two when the came back. Then Sarah ran off to work and Kyle and I headed out to Universal Citywalk.

Universal Citywalk is like, hmm. How do I explain this? Do you remeber the store Arcadia? It was full of weird things and neon. That's Universal Citywalk. It's really a cool place with great stores and resturaunts. We went to Karl Strauss Brewery which was REALLY good. Kyle and Sarah know a guy named Wyatt who works there, cool guy. He had a two minute speaking roll on ER. He's from the midwest too so he's not two dimensional as some people are out here. Actually, at the brewery is where the "slide" began. Kyle and I ordered beer (obviously, it's a brewery) and they give you three sizes to choose from. 16 oz., 22 oz., and 1 liter. Being that we're RETARDS we both got the liters. That was a motherload of beer. We WERE planning to hit Barney's again last night, but uhh...that didn't happen.

On the way home we decided to pick up some addition beverages. Smirnoff has a new beverage called "Smirnoff Ice" and it is SO good. You can't taste any alcohol at ALL. Tastes like Sprite or something. Smooth and cool and you just want to chug it. I downed four and then died. Apparently I was out COLD by 10:30 Los Angeles time. TKO'ed baby.

Yeah, so I'm recovering from that retardation today. Right now I'm the headquarters of the former NEWS DIGITAL, workplace of Kyle. It's a cool building. They've moved the remaining 5 people (out of 60) to the back of the office. The office is pretty sleek, very minimal, very modern. In the front were the masses used to sit a group of union men are building a set for a new show rumored to have either Kristy Swanson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) or Jennie Garth (90210). Cool...I guess...if you're into careerless actresses. First Kiefer Sutherland then these two ladies. If someone told me I had to come film here I'd take it as a sign that things weren't so good for me.

Anyway, not sure what plans are tonight. I think I'll be monitoring my booze intake for sure.

Later Sk8rs.

i;m liker ea bitrd i'lll only fly awaayyyy. i don't lknmow where ym sould is...isas;l,m

drunk...blogging...dog wayching memasdlka.,dm

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
Wow. I feel SO much better than I did yesterday after a good night's sleep. Yesterday seriously felt like a week to me. My body eventually just shut down on me. Anyway, let's take it from the top.

I finished packing late Friday night and I saw that Walken video again. Goddamn that's funny shit. I went to bed about 11 pm, I was hoping earlier because I knew I had to wake up at about 4 o'clock Saturday morning. I slept REALLY bad Friday night, I kept waking up and I'm not sure why. I think I was just excited about leaving.

CONNIE came to take me to O'Hare at 5 am, and for those of you who are familiar with my baby you'll know that she rarely sees 5 am on a clock. We got the airport and did those silly boyfriend-girlfriend things that you're supposed to do in an airport. Anyway, even though I know I'm coming back to Illinois it was a really hard goodbye for me and I admittedly almost lost my cool. But I won't get into mushy-drama and clichéd lines because I don't do that here.

The four hour flight was killer. I am totally unable to sit that still in a cramped little area for four hours. And I HATE airline seats. What the hell people? Could it be any less comfortable to sit upright? The seats are like tilted forward just enough to make you stretch your lower back for the entire flight. On top of that I am just unable to recline my seats on airplanes. I hate doing that because I feel like an asshole. I hate when the jerk in front of me forces my tray table into my abdomen so I'm not going to do it to anyone else. Essentially, I'm bearing my pain for someone else's comfort. I deserve some sort of "good passenger" award, not the CRUNCHY pancakes they gave me for breakfast. The cool thing about the plane was that everyone had LCD screens on the back of the chair in front of them and you could press a map button and it would tell you everything about the flight. Altitude, speed and map the surrounding area. I was pleased with this feature. The Rocky Mountains were gorgeous, snow so white it hurt my eyes to look at in the sun. And the Grand Canyon still looks like a big hole in the ground, but awesome regardless.

KYLE and SARAH picked me up from the airport (their dog Krycek in tow) and we went back to their place. When I got there I promptly removed and sense of Illinois fashion (long sleeves, long pants) and Californiated myself. So nice here. I was hoping to maybe get SOME color but it's been cloudy for the last two days. Yippie.

We cruised around looking for lunch. We were going to eat at the diner from the beginning of "Swingers" but parking was a bitch and Sarah had to work so we opted for Arby's for some warm pseudo-beef. Then Sarah found out she had some extra time after all so we went cruising around this strip of stores. It reminded me of the way that the University of Madison is set up, the way the stores are laid out. Kyle was in search of "The Simpsons" action figures but they're HOT items so only sucky ones were to be found. I snagged an Ash action figure from "Army of Darkness" and Kyle will deny wanting it but I bought it in retaliation of him opening my Sam Jackson action figure.

Eventually we found our way back to the apartment again. Did I mention I'm taking pictures? I'm taking a CRAPLOAD of this place because there are many of my FRIENDS who haven't seen this place yet. I'm taking pictures of EVERYTHING, I think there's actually a roll of just Krycek the dog. Anyway, back the story. So Sarah left for work and Kyle and I watched some "television." That's all I can say about it. Then on random inspiration we decided (from an earlier conversation at the outdoor mall) that TRON was a must in Kyle's DVD collection. Now figure this one out. We ended up driving EVERYWHERE in the Los Angeles area to find a copy of TRON, Why? It's like the movie just didn't exist out here. Every major DVD merchant in the area had nothing! It was absurd! Eventually we tracked one down out in West Hollywood on the Sunset Strip baby. Where else would TRON be? Duh.

After that LONG expedition, Sarah called and we were getting plans together for the evening. We ended up at Barney's Beanery which I've mentioned a thousand times in this blog, but I really think it's my favorite place to go in the way of diners (no offense Max and Erma's employees of Vernon Hills). The place just feels like home, there's a little bit of Janis still floating in the air there I think. Anyway, we chilled there and we'll probably go back tonight because it's karaoke night and that's always a mess.

Next door to Barney's is the home base of the HOLLYWOOD STOCK EXCHANGE. BRUEN, Connie and I are players. It's really cool because they have a HUGE green stock ticker that runs across the top of their building and at night it looked pretty sweet. I'll grab a pic, I'm sure.

Post-Barney's we came back to the apartment where I just crashed. Body off...brain off...toast. By the time I made it to bed to was about three in the morning CST, so I was technically almost up for 24 hours. What was bad was that I lost two hours coming here and then this morning was Daylight Savings Time so now I don't know where I am. Oh well, time and I weren't getting along much anyway.

I think that's all for now (I hear lawnmowers outside, I haven't heard lawnmowers forever). More later for sure, we still have to hit the Universal City Walk, Barney's again, the "Swingers" diner and the FOX Studios lot to meet with some "people." Hopefully the sun will stick its head out today and I can absorb some UV rays.

CRAP! Do you know whose birthday it was yesterday? Kyle's! And this morning I just found out who he shares his birthday with. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN! I bet Kyle has no idea about that one!

Okay, time to jet. Things to do, contracts to sign, commercials to shoot, champagne to be drank...

Later peeps.

Oh, one more thing. I'm typing this on an iMAC so there are most likely spelling errors and god knows what else this machine can do to something of quality. Later...