I've been beaten and dragged through the mud but it's finally over. Year one is over.

Make a wish...

This morning I learned that I know nothing about the characteristics of Italian Neo-Realism cinema. Again, sounds pretty critical to my future.

Tonight I learned that I know nothing about the characteristics of postwar Japanese cinema. Sounds pretty critical to my future.

These are the days of miracle and wonder
This is the long distance call
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo
The way we look to us all

What do IOWA, JEFF the Chicago Pimp, BRITNEY SPEARS, and Jesus' private parts have in common?

You'll see...something BIG is coming...

Country-superstar ALISON sent me THIS and asked if I qualified.

I replied that I am indeed a card carrying memeber...

WHAT IF I JUST LEFT?

I know I'll make it back one of these days, and turn on your TV
To watch a man with a face like mine being chased down a busy street
When he gets caught, I wont get up and I wont go to sleep
I'm coming home, I'm coming home via Chicago

Blogvoices seems to be sick and is making my site sick too.

THE PROPHECY

BrusBus2: when I make movies, my name will sit up there and fill the whole screen for 10 minutes while a song plays proclaiming me emperor.

What is wrong with my site?

Call me sick, call me twisted, call me stupid, whatever. But THIS cracks me up.

"I'm Al Unser Jr.!"
"I'm Princess Marget!"
"I'm drunk!"

The adventures of HARMU (I think).

It all foreign and I have NO clue what any of it says. I was able to figure out that "Elo Kuvat" is where the animation is.

If you've seen the intro to STICK BUS, the animation at HARMU puts it to shame.

PHEW, for a minute there I was worried that he might exist.

I mean really, wouldn't you believe after hearing this?

Descriptions of the nocturnal "monkey man" varied wildly with some saying it was a monkey-like creature with metallic claws while others said it was like a cat with tawny, glowing eyes. One person said it had "flaming eyes and green lights on its chest.

The "green lights on its chest" is what sold me. That, and he RIDES A SCOOTER.

FAILING

The ashtray says you were up all night
When you went to bed with your darkest mind
Your pillow wept and covered your eyes
You finally slept when the sun caught fire

WE USED TO HAVE ADVENTURES

My life has been extraordinary, blessed and cursed and won.
Time heals but i’m forever broken by and by the way.
Have you ever heard the words i’m singing in this song?
It’s for the girl i’ve loved all along.

When did we stop?

To: Chris Carter
Re: X-FILES

Ouch. That won't win you any awards...

- Dave Sliozis

Today, everything is coming up WALKEN.

I saw the Fatboy Slim video this morning, right now (on the FABULOUS UPN) BATMAN RETURNS is on, and later tonight, he's on Saturday Night Live.

Could this get any better?

Scarlet eyes and a see-through heart
She saw me coming right from the start
She picked me up, but had me down on my knees
Just a' beggin' her, beggin' her please

Lock up you children...HE'S back.

And apparently, he can ride a scooter...

"In one of two witness drawings released, Monkey Man can even be seen wearing a scooter-style crash helmet."

It's SO nice out...makes me feel a bit like THIS.

EEE-CHE-ROW!

I crack a window and feel the cool air clense my every pore
As I pour my poor heart out
To a radio song that's patient and willing to listen
My volume drowns it out

I dream of Michelangelo when I'm lying in my bed
Little angels hang above my head and read me like an open book
Suck my blood, break my nerve, offer me their arms
Well, I will not be an enemy of anything, I'll only stand here waiting for you

If a WEB SITE falls in the digital forest...

HOT as shit.

I bought the new R.E.M. album "Reveal" today, listened to it twice. All I can is beautiful. It's like one part "Out of Time," and one part "Automatic For the People" with just a taste of "New Adventures in Hi-Fi." I really recommend you pick this one up.

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my eye wont go away
The radio is playing all the usual
And what's a wonderwall anyway

You want the greatest thing, the greatest thing since bread came sliced.
You've got it all, you've got it sized.
Like a Friday fashion show teenager freezing in the corner
Trying to look like you don't try

Just make it stop.

PYRAMIDS
I just saw RADIOHEAD'S new video for "Pyramid Song." Then entire video is computer generated. It was beautiful, it was bizarre...it was...Radiohead...

ATTACK OF THE LUNCHBOX...NOOGE
I downloaded the internet trailer for "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" from NEWS ASKEW.

I just watched it.
I wept.
I watched it again.
I wept.

Just go [sniffle] download it...

THIS site suddenly smells a little bit corporate...

STUPID CUBS
Tickets are sold out to a ton of games the rest of the season. That SUCKS. I HAVE to get to Wrigley this season.

Anyway, I voted for my 2001 ALLSTAR players, and just to enforce that I know nothing about MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL I'm going to post the players I picked...

AMERICAN LEAGUE
1st Base     D MIENTKIEWICZ
2nd Base     B BOONE
Shortstop     A GONZALEZ
3rd Base     T BATISTA
Catcher     I RODRIGUEZ
Outfield     C EVERETT
Outfield     R MONDESI
Outfield     B WILLIAMS
Designated Hitter     A GALARRAGA

NATIONAL LEAGUE
1st Base     M GRACE
2nd Base     E YOUNG
Shortstop     R FURCAL
3rd Base     C JONES
Catcher     M PIAZZA
Outfield     S SOSA
Outfield     B BONDS
Outfield     J BURNITZ

So for the record, I know nothing about the American League. And I chose Doug Mientkiewicz. Why you ask? Because he plays for the Twins, his chances of ever playing in the Allstar game are pretty silm to begin with. Then you say, "A. Rod, come on." I chose him because I'd love to see Mr. Mega-bucks suck it up in an Allstar game. And the rest of the players, I pretty much chose cause of stats.

National League, I'm more familiar with. As you can see, I'm pretty biased to Cubs, new and old. And Burnitz...he ROCKS.

I guess that's all I have to say.

TO MOLLY RINGWALD
Today's lyrics are dedicated to Molly Ringwald after she flooded my television on Sunday.

She turns herself round and she smiles and she says
"This is it. That's the end of the joke"
And loses herself In her dreaming and sleep
And her lovers walk through in their coats

Right now, I'm watching the end of David Letterman. Blues Traveler is playing. What the HELL happened to John Popper? He's...skinny! Like 170 lbs. skinny! Apparently since their last album was a total flop, they fed on John's fat...

The good news is I can now delete ALEJANDRO when I see him. The bad news is to do so I had to erase ALL messages left on the blogvoices. Sorry.

BLOGGER and I are fighting right now, but soon I will have found a way to defeat ALEJANDRO.

REHMER once said, "The CUBS are in last place, spring must be here."

So where does that leave us now?

Took the 60 bus out of downtown Cambell
Ben Zandito he was on there he was waitin' for me
All the punk rockers and the moon stompers
Are out on the corners where they're sparing for change

Never question SCIENCE. Especially when it smells like ORANGES.

GOD that was a shitty day. I'll sum it up for you.

I should have opted for my rollerblades instead of my umbrella. I managed to COAT my pants in mud on the way to the train station. I was deemed an "asshole" by the elite theater crowd of Columbia College. How you ask? Went something like this.

We had a group activity to do in class, one girl, the actress was just being...theater. So I said:

"You think you can turn off the drama switch so we can finish this?"
"I'm outgoing, all theater people are outgoing, it's just my way."
"All theater people are outgoing? Yeah, that wild Malkovich..."
[chuckles among the group]
"You're an asshole."
"You're dramatic."
[more chuckles from group]

She didn't participate after that. Whatever.

The two GOOD things that occurred today, I got to see them hauling equipment around to film Tom Hanks' new film, THE ROAD TO PERDITION at the Chicago Hyatt. The second thing...is apparently, the month of May is NATIONAL MASTURBATION MONTH. Ain't that something...

I read bad poetry into your machine.
I save your messages just to hear your voice.
You always listen carefully to awkward rhymes.
You always say your name, like I wouldn't know it's you

It's going to be a LONG week.

All the blue light reflections that color my mind when I sleep
And the lovesick rejections that accompany the company I keep
All the razor perceptions that cut just a little too deep
Hey I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need someone to help me sleep

...make a wish...

THIS place just defines "romantic getaway."

BETHANY
So what exactly brought you to Illinois?

JAY
Oh yeah. See, all these movies take place in a town called Shermer, in Illinois. And there's all this fine bush running around, and we could kick all the dude's asses because they're all whiney pussies. Except Judd Nelson - he was harsh. But best of all, there was no one selling weed. So I says to Silent Bob "Man, we could live phat if we were the blunt-connection in Shermer, Illinois!" So we collected some cash we were owed, and caught a bus. But when we got here, you know what we found Out? There is no Shermer in Illinois. What kind of shit is that?! Fucking movies are bullshit!

At the bottom of the left hand column, I added an e-mail for the update section since I blog about once a month now. I haven't tested it yet, don't really know how it works, feel free to add your name and we'll see how long it lasts...

I think I just want to be someone's hero one day.

So last night, Jeff and I tore off into the night in my dad's midlife crisis Sebring convertible. It's such a cherry toy. The fact that the top comes down just makes the cassette player seem almost bearable (I have one of those portable-CD player converter things, don't worry). We headed up to CONNIE'S house so I could drop some stuff off for her mom.

On the way back, Jeff and I intended to hit the Tasty-Freeze in Grayslake. We hadn't been there in years. Then we started reliving the moments we had over a few summers. We talked about the torture we put on my old green Chevy Blazer (that truck didn't even have a tape deck, just the radio!), and Jeff's good old red Rodeo (with the infamous speaker setup). We were simply amazed by the fact that for the most part, those cars came out unscathed. Driving over HUGE curbs, flying over the railroad tracks on Atkinson, driving through soccer fields, swimming through the water hole behind some Chinese restaurant in Vernon Hills. The nights Jeff and I would take off and driving into the city via the Sheridan Road route and then walk around downtown. Those were the days, back when there wasn't enough room in the trucks so someone had to sit all the way in back. Those were the days.

Jeff and I actually headed off Dairy Dream in Libertyville, but they closed at the RIDICULOUS hour of 8 pm. That meant we had to sell out and motor to the Dairy QUEEN, a horrid Libertyville teenage hangout.

So we pull in, lookin' all boss in the Sebring. We strut up to the counter where there's the expected 80-degree-evening line. We end up in a line behind the dreaded high school dumbasses. Apparently they know the NASTY little girl working behind the counter. The conversation was filled with quotes like, "I saw a Lamborghini here." That's great dumbass, order and leave. She finally took care of the honors society and it was our turn. Jeff orders a SNICKERS Blizzard and he was later certain it was a "sand and gravel" Blizzard. It was probably Heath. I ordered the my usual (but deadly) Nerds Blizzard, the little skank goes, "Do you like Nerds?" No ape-girl, I LOVE order food I don't like.

Being that dad let me use his toy, I had to pay him in the only currency my father understands. Pie. Jeff and I rolled on to the local Bakers Square where we sat in the parking lot eating our ice cream. We laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation in the moments between Jeff spitting rocks from his ice cream. Jeff said, "This Blizzard wouldn't have been so bad if the girl wasn't ugly and slow." Amen Jeff.

It was just a good night, relaxed and slow, not a god damn care in the world.

That is what it's all about and that is what we live for.

THEY'RE coming...

I'm trying to create a WISH LIST of epic proportions. Your challenge is to buy me this stuff and try to keep my from making this list enormous...

Ready...GO!

People thought I made this word up. It's in the dictionary...

FUNGO
n.,pl. fungoes

     A fly ball hit for fielding practice by a player who tosses the ball up
     and hits it on its way down with a long, thin, light bat.

Yes, they'll catch me napping one day and they'll kill me
and then I'll be gone but that won't be my end
For my guns and my saddle will always be filled
by unwelcome travelers and other brave men

To: Kyle
Re: Tickets

Kyle,

I hear you're alive out there. Not sure I believe all the hype. Anyway, if you are indeed alive, welcome back. On the business side you need to find out how to get at least 2 tickets for Sunday, July 29th when the Dodgers play Colorado. You'll need 4 if you plan on you and Sarah going...

Get on that shit.

I bought three new CD's this weekend...

1.) The Black Crowes - Shake Your Money Maker
2.) Creedence Clearwater Revival - Chronicle
3.) Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet

I bought Black Crowes because I should have a long time ago, I bought Creedence because somewhere in the lyrics Creedence is God, and I bought Slippery When Wet to feel cool. All three are good albums, I was actually caught off guard by how good Slippery When Wet was. It's better than most of the crap you'll find on MTV today, that's for sure.

To: Kyle
Re: Crap

Weekend at Bernies 2, 8/7c, Comedy Central.