LEADER OF THE PACK

For the longest time, I've wanted a MOTORCYCLE, but the issues of money and the fact that my father-the-police-chief has seen more motorcycle accidents than you can shake a skin-graft at, has always defeated that dream.

But now I figure why not go scooter? That's right...scooter.

I just want something small and cheap and that I just sput along on. And actually there are some pretty sweet scooters out there. That's right, I said scooter. Get over it.

Here's the PHAT rides I've been scoping as of late. First, there's the VESPA brand scooters which are like the high class of high class scooters ($3000 for their low model). They're pricey but really cool looking. Next came the HONDA ELITE 50SR which while it is an affordable scooter, it's not the most attractive piece of scootage on the market.

Finally, this is the one. When I saw this scooter, I knew I had to have it. The YAMAHA VINO. Not only is it affordable, but it is so cherry. It totally combines that kick ass vintage look with the engine works of today. I need that scooter.

I'm going to go home now and prepare myself to hear my father say no...

LINKAGE

...Oh yeah, and my links in the bottom right are still worthless. Guess I should fix that too. But really...what do you expect me to do? Shut down my site for nine weeks and promise you ROBOTS?

...No, I don't think so...

DISCONNECTED

So I only just realized that you readers have no way of getting in touch with me to compliment or complain (most likely complain). That's a problem, eh? Guess I'll work on that shit this weekend.

HUH...

If found this on some random webpage and sadly because of the way I found it, I can't link it or credit the author. But the following really is an interesting thought...

In the real world - planet Earth, Reality - there are somewhere between six and ten billion people. At any given time, most of them are making mud bricks or field stripping thier AK-47's. Perhaps a billion of them have enough money to own a computer; these people have more money than all of the others put together. Of these potential computer owners, maybe a quarter of them actually bother to own computers, and a quarter of these have machines that are powerful enough to handle the Street protocol. That makes for about sixty million people who can be on the street at any given time. Add in another sixty million or so who can't really afford it but go there anyway, using public machines, or machines owned by their school or their employer, and at any given time the Street is occupied by twice the population of New York City.

That's why the damn place is so overdeveloped. Put in a sign or a building on the street and the hundred million richest, hippest, best-connected people on earth will see it every day of their lives.

Snow Crash
Neal Stephenson - 1992

THE "IT" BLOG LIST:

I've decided that there are a few blogs that I check up on almost hourly and that I think I should share these secrets with all of my 6 reoccurring readers because these blogs to me, embody not only what a blog should be, but what I want my blog to be. Enjoy...

ALI G. - Written by...go figure...Alison G. Now poor Alison really doesn't have the HTML giddyup some other people do (sorry Alison, but you know it's true) but her content ranges from talking trash about the country music industry, to crippled animated children, to the disgusting short comings of religious school education. "Lee Ann is cooking dinner tonight for her daughter's birthday which is today and partially for mine which was yesterday. I love it when famous pop stars cook dinner for me...makes life worth living..."

PARTICLE FUSION - Written by Jason Bruen. Bru is one of my best friends, so of course I'm going to read. Plus, if you read close enough, you can totally see where he's been collecting spent plutonium rods and trying to construct a bomb to remove the Iowa wasteland. Bruen has been a friend of mine for a long time and to see him thrown out of this world and stranded out in Iowa does suck. I think this best sums it up..."I will spend the day today, looking for God. I know He doesn't exist and that the effort is futile, but I cannot give up hope. And when I find Him, I will smack Him upside the head..."

HOUSE OF KYLE - Written by Kyle Ford. Crappy layout, crappy content, but by law I'm forced to read it cause he's my friend. What kind of talentless ape draws pixels anyway? "So I had a dream the other night that I was giving birth. I could even feel the contractions. I have no idea what this means."

DEAD MAN - Written by Scott...that's all I know, just Scott. I think Scott maybe (and I could be wrong) the king of all cynics. The way he perceives life through his blog does one of those slap-you-and-make-you-say "Yeah...people are dumb." I don't want to use the words, "dark" and "edgy" by Scott is occasionally "dark" and "edgy." "Wendy's (the fast food chain) has a language all to themselves. See, I heard people talking to each other in the drive through window and I thought it was Spanish... but I was wrong. Apparently, vamanos! in Wendy's drive-through-speak means, 'Give him a half order of fries, and forget the straw.'"

GOATEE STYLE - Written by Ryan Wickstrand. This is just a good blog. Good look, good feel, good content. Plus he has a webcam that is usually on (...you hear that Kyle?). With everything from goats to children to an entire archive of snagged webcam pics, you can't lose here. It seems to me Ryan is also a fan of the "motion pictures." He'll also surprise you every now and then by taking his digital camera out with him, makes for good pictures. On top of all that he endorse beautiful vandalism by selling stickers that advertise his site! Stickers I tell you! Don't be frightened..."I just performed a toe nail cutting show on my cam. Close up video of me clipping my toe nails, beamed out live to the masses on the information super highway. Isn't technology great?"

ANALOG CEREAL - Written by Peter Zielinski. What the hell do you say about PJZ that hasn't been said? His blog has come along way in the last year, and I'll admit, when it first came out, I never read it. But the look changed and the content and now it's made the list. There's an angle to Pete's writing that I think reveals alot about himself and the way he thinks and there aren't many writers who can do that. The incident involving Pete and his roommate...classic..."The fly swatter went back on his door knob and I left him a little note(s). Nothing like a good sexual preference bashing in the morning. The fun part is, he still hasn’t woken up yet."

URBAN FOREST - Written by Ariel Meadows. Ariel, by trade, is a writer and there's such a strength and sense of who she is in her daily blogs. There's an optimism in the lines and this feeling like everything is going to okay. Recently she shipped out to NYC to attend writing classes and I can't help but want to know more, it's like you get to see her grow through the blog. My favorite line of anything she's written is this, "Last night I also saw lightening bugs for the first time in my life. I laughed out loud. And laughed and laughed."

Of course there are other blogs like CONNIE’S but she’s home from school and doesn’t blog. And there’s JEFF CRAIN’S whose I forget to check everyday.

I do apologize if you didn’t make the list and I know my opinion isn’t everything. But the blogs above (for the most part) are just ones that I felt were worthy of sharing.

HEROES DON'T DIE

Where is BUDDY LEE now?

VIRUS

It seems my rage against the shallowness bastards of today's society is CONTAGIOUS. Alison wrote, "There is more to life than being a racist, homophobic, rich all white group of bible beaters."

Damn right.

RUN

THERE IS NO HIDING FROM 30pt FONT!

EEE-CHE-ROW!

MY IRON LUNG

We're too young to fall asleep
To cynical to speak
We are losing it
Can't you tell?

We scratch our eternal itch
A twentieth century bitch
And we are grateful for
Our iron lung

Suck, suck your teenage thumb
Toilet trained and dumb
When the power runs out
We'll just hum

RADIO FREE SOUTH PARK

From SOUTH PARK STUDIOS, "World-Renowned Band RADIOHEAD Make A Special Guest Appearance In An All-New Episode Of 'South Park' On Wednesday, July 11 At 10:00 P.M."

Thanks ALISON.

ANGST WAS BORN

To me, one of the hardest things for people to do is to see how they truly are. An asshole doesn't know he's and asshole, a good girl doesn't know she's a good girl. We just assume our personalities and the way we feel about things and never get to see what we look like to other people.

Yesterday, I think I had that chance.

As many of you may or may not know, I am a horribly cynical person. The human race to me is just a bunch of mindless apes who get in my way. I hate people. I hate the moms in their goddamn Surburbans with their goddamned cellphone in one hand and their goddamned double mocha yuppie latte in the other. I hate high school kids that have never worked for anything and deck themselves out in identical gap tops and capri pants and assume that mommy and daddy will always buy them that Jeep Wrangler. I hate people that have no idea where their body is, these are the assholes who stand directly in the middle of shopping isles because they have no concept about anyone but themselves. The human race is only in it for themselves.

Anyway, I was going to Blockbuster, to rent some games to drown out my slow evenings. Outside, taking a smoke break, was one of my brother's friends. He was sitting down against the wall just starring at the sidewalk.

I said, "Hey man, what's up?"
He replied, "I just came to the realization that it's all about soccer moms in Suburbans."

Wow, right there it was like I saw my own personality taking shape and another person was coming to terms with the shallowness of everyone around us. He was suddenly grasping the fact that no one cares about anything but themselves anymore. It was so weird because it was seriously like hearing myself talk watching the hopeless feeling take over. I gave up on people way before he did though, but when someone finally realizes that there is something terribly wrong with the way that our society thinks and acts, that means that maybe things could be better.

It's all a show. People buy nice cars and clothes because they know people will pay attention to them. Everything is about self-gratification, materialistic masturbation (that wasn't supposed to rhyme). Who can have the best shit before everyone else and who can ignore the most people getting it.

And yes, I'm sure those of you who know me are using the word "HYPOCRITE" (definition provided for the Gen-Y kids who aren't used to seeing three syllable words and has spent most of their lives protected in high school hallways only having to care about Johnny Football and Bambi Cheerleader...Libertyville what?) and yes, I'm probably guilty of turning my back on people too and fitting nicely into my own hates. But I'll admit when I'm wrong about it. I'll admit when I was doing something just for me. But there are people out there in their pleated khakis, in their "waxed by people at a detail shop" Volvos, with their 2.3 kids decked out to the chin in GAP or whatever overproduced clothing line that's popular these days, and they don’t know they’re wrong. These are the same people who try to hide from the problems of the world in their $750,000 luxury suburbia condos and then act surprised when the world creeps in with a car theft or even a murder. Rich white people don't kill rich white people right? Welcome to Earth and welcome to life assheads.

I know I can't say much more without getting stuck in a loop and starting to sound unintelligent and totally opinionated, so I'll shut off here. But seriously, look around every now and then, look at people, listen to people. There are 6 billion of us here and I guarantee that the other 5.99 billion could care less about your Suburban and your cedar deck furniture and your three car garages.

ULTRA-TECHNO

I think BRUEN will appreciate THIS.

THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI

Okay, so I play video games. Eat me. But if you have a Playstation 2, you NEED ONIMUSHA: WARLORDS. Trust me, it's worth it.

FAKE PLASTIC TREES

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

GUESS WHO?

Somebody we like seems to be LEADING (old article) in voting for the 2001 Major League Baseball All-Star game with 1,734,905 votes (recent figures). Everyone say it with me...

EEE-CHE-ROW!

Yeah, that's nice.

AND NO...

...the links in bottom right corner do not work yet, but feel free to try it you click-monkeys.

AMAZING

I suddenly was overwhelmed with the feeling that I blog nothing of importance or substance.

CLICK ME.

I think that proves my point.

PURDY COLURS

THIS site = eye candy.

FRESH PIXELS

I'm working on a bigger and badder pixel art piece. HERE'S another look at what I'm up against.

DOUBLE DOWN

This is a story about my GIRLFRIEND, movie stars and football players. I'm going to write this blog and show the events that are occurring to her and myself, the events occurring to me will be in italics.

Connie works at the MAX & ERMA'S in Vernon Hills, and last night she and her co-workers were going to go to the local bowling alley to celebrate some birthdays. She was going to go hang out with her co-workers from seven that night to about nine and meet me at her house. I think that provides enough background.

7:00 PM - Connie heads to Hawthorn Lanes in Vernon Hills, bowling commences.

7:00 PM - Dave is just waking up from passing out at 5 PM. He took the nap because he felt like shit.

8:00 PM - Connie continues to bowl.

8:00 PM - Dave has immersed himself in Crazy Taxi.

8:30 PM - Connie is probably still bowling.

8:30 PM - Dave leaves his house to go to Connie's. It's only a 15 minute drive to her house but it's a nice night and he decides to cruise for awhile and absorb the new TRAVIS album (which ROCKS by the way).

9:00 PM - Connie SHOULD be leaving the bowling alley to come home.

9:00 PM - Dave arrives at Connie's house hoping that she comes home soon because the mosquitoes have tracked his scent and are preparing to feast.

9:15 PM - Connie calls Dave's house to tell him she'll be home late. Approximately this time, actor VINCE VAUGHN (Swingers, Made) enters the bowling alley accompanied by Chicago Bears quarterback CADE MCNOWN.

9:15 PM - Dave does not receive that call because he is not at home. Dave chooses to sit in his car because the mosquitoes have formed a black cloud around him. He thinks he is safe in the car. Dave ponders whether he should go to the bowling alley...he figures he shouldn't.

9:45 PM - Connie and bartendress Sharon have now spent the last 30 minutes talking to Vince and Cade and shooting the shit. Pictures are taken for proof of incident (to be posted here later).

9:45 PM - The mosquitoes have found a way into Dave's car. He's furious and decides they can't catch him if he's mobile. Ten minutes later, a frustrated Dave heads for home.

10:00 PM - Connie calls Dave and tells him she has a good excuse for being an hour late. "I met Vince Vaughn."

10:00 PM - Dave becomes more upset and the shitty evening he just had is suddenly amplified by the jealousy coursing through his veins about the fact that Connie met Vince Vaughn. 5 minutes later, Dave arrives at Connie's house.

10:05 PM - Connie tells the story. Dave is terribly jealous because he's a damned film major. Connie feels bad about not calling. Dave is still peeved and continues to mention his shitty evening. Connie still feels bad.

Eventually I told Connie I wasn't mad that she was late or didn't call, I was more jealous that she was able to have a good time and meet Vaughn (notice I haven't said ANYTHING about Mcnown). I apologized for being an ass. But come on, how could I not be pissed? It was Vince-FRIGGIN'-Vaughn...

THE SPACE BETWEEN

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play

2ND RATE

I think it's time I upped my PIXEL capabilites because there are FAR better people out THERE.

JUST NOT COOL

I received my mega-huge ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY this Saturday proclaiming that inside, held the list of the 100 "IT" people in Hollywood. Upon further inspection, there apparently was an "IT" category for EVERYTHING. Even the character "Aki" from the upcoming CGI flick "FINAL FANTASY" made the damn list. I swear I saw "IT Studio Janitor" and "IT MOVIE That Was Made that Will Make a Ton of Money for Some Reason and Send the Quality of the Film Industry Back Another Ten Years."

Obviously with such a thorough list of "it" categories, I am saddened than not once did myself or any of my CREW make the list. So I’ve made my own “it” list as an addendum (bet you didn’t know I knew that word) to the Entertainment Weekly list.

- “IT Guy That Poses the Largest Nuclear Threat to the Midwest” JASON BRUEN

- "IT Chick That Poses the Ability to Stop the Largest Nuclear Threat to the Midwest" UMA SWAMY

- “IT Guy Who is Unknowingly the Heir to the Playboy Publishing Empire” JEFF EICHHORN

- “IT Guy You Have a Hard Time Believing You Envy As Much As You Do” KYLE FORD

- “IT Chick That You Probably Don’t Talk to As Much As You Should” SARAH FINIFROCK

- “IT Chick You Probably Don’t Get to See As Much As You Should” CONNIE SOMMERVILLE

- "IT Man Possessing More INTENSITY Than A Supernova" ROBERT PATRICK

THE DECLINE OF AMERICA'S YOUTH

How the HELL did THIS happen?

HOME

And yes KYLE, I did appreciate THIS.

Salt in the wounds...

BETTER LATE...

Okay, so I know I'm only three days late in reporting this, so bite me, but KYLE finally got his new site design up and running. Pixel art done by yours truly...

A DAY IN THE PARK WITH THOM

Saturday the Chicago Tribune printed THIS article about the RADIOHEAD concert playing in Grant Park.

So I'm thinking I'm taking the train because traffic should be INSANE.

SIDE

You'll realize one day that the grass is always greener on other side,
The neighbor's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out you wanna stay alive
Ae all live inder the same sky,
We all wanna live, we all wanna die

SING

Baby, you've been going so crazy
Lately, nothing seems to be going right
Solo, why do you have to get so low
You're so… You've been waiting in the sun too long

GOOD FRIENDS

Acapriccio: this is why we work well together
Acapriccio: your first effort is usually ass
Acapriccio: then i ride you
Acapriccio: then the next one is always great
Stick Bus: ...thanks...dick...
Acapriccio: hahahahahahaha
Acapriccio: (cough, blow me)

OVERDUE

This day is dragging on and people I know are feeling down. It's a small consolation but I hope this helps...

EEE-CHE-ROW!

Stick Bus: pixels all night tonight.
Acapriccio: ooooh
Stick Bus: and do you know why?
Acapriccio: cause i'm gay
Stick Bus: ...HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THE GENERAL

So, are you Luke, Bo...or maybe you're Daisy? FIND out.

RADIO FREE AUGIE

Sounds like all of AUGUSTANA College will be attending the RADIOHEAD concert in August. Due to the lack of KYLE FORD, I will be attending as his representative. I'm sure he's proud.

SPEAKING OF ROBOTS

I know everyday I wake up and I ask myself, "If I was a cyborg...what would my name be?" Now you can FIND out.

Appropiatley mine is D.A.V.I.D.: Digital Artificial Violence and Infiltration Device. Nice.

Link yoinked from GOATEE STYLE.

SVEFN-G-ENGLAR

Ég Er Kominn Aftur
Inn I Þig
Það Er Svo Gott Að Vera Hér
En Stoppa Stutt Við

FOR EVAN

EVAN was born in 2066 and died in 2142. And from the sound of it, the fact that everything related to this page takes place 65 years in the future isn't the only odd thing to be happening here.

DESPERATION

There really is nothing sadder than hunting for love online...

...and then having to pay $10,000 for it.

SUBWAY-KOV

Your Russian guess is as good as my Russian GUESS.

ART IMITATES LIFE

Bob Slydell: If you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for
          you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah,
          I use the side door--that way Lumberg can't see me, heh--after that
          I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm
          working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say
          in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real,
          actual, work.

SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN
I'm going to be monkeying around with my blogger format today. Maybe changing colors, flipping date and time stamps. So don't be scared if she goes Chernobyl.

SPIRITS
I forgot to do this yesterday...

EEE-CHE-ROW!

I feel better now.

NICE DREAM
I call up my friend, the good angel
But she's out with her ansaphone
She says she would love to come help but
The sea would electrocute us all

ALWAYS...
I think THIS is today's life lesson.

WHEN I GROW UP...

There's such a difference between FANTASY and REALITY.

AND A TWIST OF...APPLE?

No! And a twist of LIME, damnit! I'm sure most of you are aware that the battle in SKITTLES has been going on for months now and the lime skittle is on the verge of becoming extinct. The lime skittle must remain, so PLEASE, VOTE lime!

Thank you.

OY!

I really can't write anymore because I'm not sure what to make of THIS.

VILLAINS

THIS reminds me of the end of a movie where you think that the bad guy is dead after being shot, stabbed and set on fire, only to have him suddenly re-animate and attack the hero again. It's EXACTLY like that...

News borrowed from MR. NON-ROBOTO.

LIAR, LIAR

As of ten minutes ago I realized that I had promised everyone the webcam from work. Well, that ain't gonna happen today. I was so pissed off at the concept of coming to work this morning that I totally blanked on the thought. I'm going to see when the next time my boss is gone and I'll try to get that hog up and running. The webcam will be live back at my house soon, so keep an eye out for that.

RACE CAR IN THE RED

It's a break in the training class...and I'm in hell. That rant I mentioned earlier...yeah, it's coming down with a fiery vengance.

I H A T E T H I S P L A C E .

now this slick fallen rift, came like a gift
your body moves ever nearer
and you will dry this tear
now that we're here and gereve for me not history
but now i'm dry of thoughts wait for the rain
then it's replaces sun setting

and suddenly we're in love with everything

WITH HONORS

BRUEN has honored me with a rant similar to my infamous style (which I'm long overdue for, but I feel one coming on with a fury).

I have to leave now, the worthless company I work for wants to waste my time with computer training. I'm not sure when they'll figure out to just fire everyone who can't use a PC. It would really save a lot of time and money. It's four hour deal too, four hours surrounded by Microsoft-illiterate apes.

Time to get the ball rolling on my application to Fox...

I need to clear my mind, the thought of seriously persuing the job listed in the previous blog is going to drive me nuts. I think I'm way over due for this...

EEE-CHE-ROW!

HELP WANTED

From the FOX.COM job postings...

FOX EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT, CASTING

Responsibilities: Will provide administrative support to the Senior Vice President of Casting. Duties include: heavy phones, scheduling of meetings and travel, expense reports, filing etc. Must be highly motivated and detail oriented, possess strong analytical and administrative skills and have a passion for the film industry. Must be able to work in a demanding, fast-paced and dynamic work environment.

Requirements: 2+ year's assistant experience. Must be proficient with MS Word, Excel, and Groupwise. Must be available for overtime mainly during pilot season.

Hello...my name is Dave Sliozis, and I'll be your Huckleberry.

WHITE LIES

"The robots ARE coming. Probably even this weekend."

LIAR.

FLASHBACK

Feburary 1st of this year, I blogged the following:

Okay, of all the problems I had expected to come across today with webcam installation, it was not this. I put in the software to load the cam-drivers. My monkey-box spun its little 2x CD-ROM drive, gave me a little song and dance about virus check and then boom...

NO USB PORT DETECTED

NO USB PORT? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Everything has a USB port! Oh, but it gets better. I spin the monkey-box around and there are two USB ports just empty and looking at me. How the HELL do I make these things active?

I may not blog for the rest of the afternoon because I'm going to open my computer and pour a bucket of water in it! BAD MONKEY-BOX!

As of only a week ago, I was gifted with a new and fully functional monkey-box here at work, actually, it's more of a gorilla-box. Anyway, this badass gorilla DOES have USB ports that work. So tomorrow, I'll be broadcasting live from my place of business if all goes well.

And again, I'll walk that fine line between freedom...and fired...

If only we could all be THIS cool.

THE BIRDS

Nothing says good morning like finding your sunroof open after a good rainfall the night before.

Although nothing compares to the not one, but TWO bird nests my mechanic found in CONNIE'S truck this Saturday. One under the hood that was empty and one tucked up under her rear axle which sounded like it had 2 or 3 little chirpers in there. When the mechanic put the truck up on the lift to change Connie's oil, one little pink bird fell out. That's when they found the one in the read axle. When they went to check the fluids, that's when they found the empty one under the hood. Sadly we don't think the baby birds survived the weekend because her truck wasn’t in her driveway and they probably didn't get fed by the mother.

Only Connie...

I finished a new layout, the pic at the left is WAY to big, and I took down all my links for a while. Hope you like it.

Heroes aren't made, they're imported from JAPAN.

Uh huh...you know what time it is now kids?

EEE-CHE-ROW time!

Here's a NIKE MISSLE site in Vernon Hills.

Quick history lesson, Nike missles were spread throught the United States during the Cold War as a counter defense to the possibility of Soviet air strikes. There seem to be many bases around the Chicagoland area to defend the Navy training base here. Anyway, it's always interesting to think that at one time in American history, your backyard could have been a missle base.

TERRASERVER link courtesy of GOATEE STYLE.

ALISON just posted her version of my "Rock Stars I'd Like to Hurt" list, but hers revolves around the country music scene. My list with country is a short one...

1. Everyone

There it was.