HOW DO I GET ON THE COVER OF ROLLING STONE?

It's a perfect night for driving. A little more gas, and I might have made it.

You'll like this one, I promise.

And finally, how do I get on the cover of Rolling Stone?

TWO WHITE SHIRTS

Recently, The GAP ran a series of ads that were pretty much done in the typical GAP fashion. Popular people wearing popular clothes. We're used to this by now.

Now I'm sure many people cringe and loathe these ads, however I am horribly and uncontrollably drawn to them.

Allow me to begin by saying I am probably one of the last people to ever shop in the GAP. I've never owned anything with the GAP label, nor do I really ever plan to own anything from the GAP. And I'm not saying that their clothes are bad or they're appeal to "good looking" people is wrong, I'm just saying I own a white shirt and khakis, do I really need more?

Now we've all seen the ads, there's one with crazy Ashton Kutcher (ad directed by Roman Coppola) and another with delicious Kate Beckinsdale (directed by Cameron Crowe). It was the third ad with Christina Ricci and Dennis Hopper that really grabbed my attention.

The first act of brilliance with the "Two White Shirts" ad is simply the star power. What better way to sell things in today's celebrity craving culture, than with two very well known names. A subdivision of that brilliance comes in the actors selected. Christina Ricci is 22 years of age and she is there to capture the younger demographics, as where 66 year old Dennis Hopper is there to capture the attention of your parents. But enough of the statistical ad crap. Lets talk shop.

Something I believe in very strongly is that if you can create a scene and tell a story in thirty seconds without the use of dialogue, you have that "thing" that makes great film directors, great. The "Two White Shirts" ad is directed by the Coen brothers (The Big Lebowski), Ethan and Joel. Now I've read a few different "theories" as to the meaning of the ad but none of them sound right to me. Connie read me an article from Cosmopolitan magazine in which readers voted that the character relationship in the ad is "sexually based." Ah, that's crap. Everything about the scene is simple, so why would the story be so complex? The ad starts with Hopper seemingly staring at us, the viewer. I believe he's just spacing out, waiting for his turn at chess. From there, the ad continues to simply show two people relaxing in their white shirts and khaki pants. See? Simple. Ads are designed to make us feel a certain way. This ads was designed to makes us believe we can relax next to a pool with lemonade in our GAP clothes...not have a sexual relationship with a 66 year old man.

Black and white film is gorgeous. It always will be. It creates a depth and a texture to everything in a scene and at the same time eliminates everything that visually could distract from telling the story. There are no reds, blues, greens or any other colors that would distract us from looking at the actors and the bright, white shirts they are wearing. I love black and white, I always have. It has the ability to take on whatever feel you want it to have. And as always...it's cheap.

Finally, there's the soundtrack. Each ad had two versions done, only the soundtrack changed. The first time I saw "Two White Shirts" the soundtrack was a song called "I See the Rain" by a group called The Marmalade, a British pop-ish type band. The second version of the ad had a song that fit much better. "Hang on to Your Ego" by the Beach Boys. When we hear Beach Boys, we think warm sun, golden beaches, we think California. There's something secure and comfortable with the Beach Boys that adds to the scene, we feel like we're there, like Dennis and Christina are our good neighbors and we've been doing this for years.

But at the base of it all, the ads are brilliant for one reason. The concrete fact that I never consider going into a GAP store is radically shaken and suddenly I find myself looking at Dennis Hopper and thinking, "Goddamn, could I be that awesome if I just bought a shirt?"

Of course I can.

UPDATE

I'm getting a haircut.

TRAINING

I think I'm going to start training my body to require minimum sleep this summer. I feel this is necessary to live a happy life.

And I need a haircut.

DRESS CODE

I just want a job that will let me wear sandals.

THE ARROGANCE OF THE TURN SIGNAL

There's a growing trend within the driving communities of America, and frankly, I find it disturbing.

The use of the turn signal to indicate the intentions of drivers is on the decline. And why? What is it that has swept across the millions and millions of American drivers that does not allow them the extra two inch reach to flip a lever up or down? Has the concept of the turn signal become too complicated? Perhaps there is a failure in the teaching stages where certain individuals have a "signal deficiency." Personally, I believe it's due to American arrogance.

Now, I'm not saying you ALWAYS need to signal. For example, if you are in a turn lane, everyone else should already understand that it is your intention to turn. That's why you are in that lane. However, it is the persons who do not signal maneuvers, like right turns in traffic, where there is no turn lane. Suddenly, chaos erupts simply because one person decided they were too good to show people what they were going to do.

I think the "get out of my way" attitude of the American culture has now leaked into even our basic driving skills. It's almost as if not signaling your intention to turn is the same as saying, "Halt, your life must be suddenly delayed so I can continue mine." Turn signals, at their most basic ideal, are a simple warning. And in a world where we are said to be growing farther and farther from individual personal contact, how great is a device that can tell everyone what you're thinking without having to talk to anyone and open yourself up to the world.

On top of that, it's the law. In every community, a person can be ticketed if they do not signal their intentions. Obviously it's a minor offense and obviously local police departments have left this crime go unattended until it has reached epidemic proportions. How sad. Think about that one, every time you don't signal when you turn, you are committing a heinous crime.

My fear is that this arrogance will blur the lines between the drivers who believe they rule the road, and those who should not be on the road. One who believes that they are too good for the signal should know that drivers passing by believe that they are simply too stupid to work such a simplistic device. Just remember that, you may THINK you look cool, but really...you just look like an idiot.

I'll get off my soap box racer now.

HOMETOWN HEROES

I recently learned about a group of guys who created the film company, Lumberyard Productions. I just thought it was interesting that there was a very familiar story in all of this. There was an article written about a month ago in the News Sun and makes interesting reading for those who are interested. I wonder how open they would be in regards to bringing a fellow Libertyville film hopeful into the mix. At least I have someone to call in 240 days...

APOLOGY

I would like to apologize for the banner at the bottom. Please bear with it.

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

Saw Episode 2.
Very Late.
Form opinion later.
Must sleep.

COUNTDOWN

In about ten hours, I will stoop to an all time low in my social standing for I will be attending a midnight showing of Attack of the Clones.

I'll be lucky to have a girlfriend after this.

GONE PRO

Testing...testing...I've opted to go Blogger Pro. Let's see what this thing can do.

I guess I'll have to sit down and read the manual on this thing. I wonder if Ev does house calls.

ESSENCE OF COOL

While watching Zoolander:

Connie: David Bowie has the coolest hair.
Dave: David Bowie is just cool.

[pause]

Dave: David Bowie is so cool it hurts.
Connie: Yeah, he really is.