TROPICAL STORM KYLE

Currently, Tropical Storm Kyle is moving around the Atlantic Ocean. The characteristics of this storm are quick and unpredictable movements, strong hot air gusts, the inability to maintain a personal website, and a trail of empty beer bottles and devoured buffalo wings in its path.

EVERYTHING I LEARNED, I LEARNED FROM JAG

This morning I was approached by a 50-something co-worker looking for pre-work chatter. His topic of choice, the season opener for the television show, J.A.G.:

CW: Did you catch the J.A.G. season premier last night?
Dave: [pretending to work] Nope.
CW: You know the Ensign on the show? The chubby faced guy?
Dave: Not really.
CW: Well last night he lost one of his legs in Afghanistan.
Dave: [fighting urge to say, "Did he find it?"] Really.
CW: You know, it could have been you over there.
Dave: [thinking, "Jesus" but said...] Yikes.
CW: Although I saw far worse in Vietnam [and in the same breath], man, J.A.G. is a great show.
Dave: [thinking, "Go away." but said...] I'll have to check it out.

I can't wait until I'm at the age when dramatic and quality television like J.A.G. triggers horrific memories for me.

MICHAEL RAPAPORT, ACTOR: ANSWERS THE FRIDAY FIVE

1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind?

Yo, first of all, lemme give a shout out to some of my boys in Brooklyn. Haha, give it up for my posse. Man, I got a lotta ways that I like to relax and kick it. First and foremost, I like to play basketball. Man I LOVE hoopin' it up. Second, I just love to wonder around New York City. It's like, people see me and even though I'm a big star and all, they just leave me alone. It's nice because they're not all up in my business. Oh, and I also like to watch some of my own movies. Man I love Palmetto. Elisabeth Shue was SMOKIN' in that movie. Yo! Elisabeth! Call me!

2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands?

The first thing I do is check my answering machine to see if my agent called me about any new work. I mean who plays an under-educated New York, Irish punk better then Mike Rapaport? I think nobody. My agent says I'm "typecast." Whatevah that means. I mean did you see me in Palmetto, baby? That s*** ain't got nothin' to do with New York.

3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells?

Aroma-what-ic? Man, that's a whack word. Hey, you ever see Metro with me and my boy, Eddie Murphy? Yo, that move was hot. Oh man, I haven't talked to Eddie in awhile either. Yo! Eddie! Call me!

4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself?

Yo, I'm totally more comfortable when I've got my posse. Like when we were filming Palmetto, I used have two or three people hanging around me at a time! That's huge! I'm not really sure who they were, but yo, stranger people! Call me! We'll hook up and watch Palmetto for old time's sake.

5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don't?

Bam, first thing that comes to mind...playing the part of a under-educated New York, Irish punk. I mean, it's like it almost comes natural to me. And I love doing it so much that I try to add a little Big Apple Mick to every role I play. There are parts in my movies when I try to slip that bit in. Like you never see it coming when I do it in Palmetto and Metro. I just slide it in there. What's the next question? What? What do you mean "no more?" That's whack! Hey, call me!

That was Michael Rapaport. We all need heroes. Do your own Friday Five.

THE WOLF

I just found a site that has a ton of lyrics and this was what the had for the intro to "Hungry Like a Wolf" by Duran Duran. It made my day.

Ha ha!
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
And I'm hungry like the wolf

SICKNESS

I'm sick as hell today so it's an all day movie marathon for me. So in my need to do something, I'll be updating this movie list all day...

1.) Resevoir Dogs
2.) High Fidelity

[Insert two hour nap here]

3.) Dolemite 2: The Human Tornado
4.) Amelie
5.) Major League

Ugh. This cold...America, I be dyin'...

FROM THE EYES OF BABES

In some strange attempt to entertain myself, I handed over my digital camera to Jake, a two year-old. Some might call me stupid, some might even call me foolish. I call myself BRILLIANT!

Enter the gallery

BILLY ZANE, ACTOR: ANSWERS THE FRIDAY FIVE

1. Would you say that you're good at keeping in touch with people?

I'd say I, Billy Zane, am excellent in keeping touch with people. I'm proud to say that I keep in fantastic communication with my two friends. But forget that, let's talk about my blockbuster smash, The Phantom.

2. Let's not. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?

Meeting in person is certainly my favorite way of communication, especially when it's with the ladies. I also prefer telepathic communication, just like the Phantom used in my movie, The Phantom, to communicate with my glistening white steed. I can't even begin to explain to you how much The Phantom impressed me. It was probably my strongest role since Back to the Future when I stood around and said nothing.

3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?

The only instant messenger program I have is called instinct, that's a little something I learned while training for The Phantom. I mean the entire basis of the movie was man versus nature and how the power of nature, or three magic skulls, should not be abused by man. This is what The Phantom was sworn to protect.

4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?

They seem to live very far away. I think after the success of The Phantom, they were a little worried about being in the spotlight. I mean it took it's toll on me. When a movie is that well done and that well written, the spotlight comes in brighter than ever. I think a lot of the people that worked on The Phantom are still to this date hiding away from the spotlight. I mean, look at Kristy Swanson, she hasn't been able to do a movie that came anywhere near the caliber of The Phantom.

5. Are you an "out of sight, out of mind" person, or do you believe that "distance makes the heart grow fonder"?

Oh, for me, I'm completely the "out of sight" type. I put such disasters as Tombstone and Titanic behind me, because those are the types of movies that destroy an actor's career. But movies like The Phantom will make you a film legend. Just remember my credo..."W.W.T.P.D?" or, "What would The Phantom do?"

Thank you Billy Zane. Go get a job. Do your own Friday Five.

Author's Note: In addendum to last week's "Friday Five" with Christopher Walken, I have post "Can Tag: The Movie" featuring Mr. Walken. Modem users, forget about it...it's 11MB.

HE'S SAYING WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING

Enjoy a Boondocks comic strip.

Blatantly stolen from MSNBC.com.

NITRO, TITAN, LACE, BLAZE, GEMINI AND GOLD

I'd like to thank TNN for showing why I need to go home during my lunch hour. Who can resist and hour of classic American Gladiators?

MY NECK OF THE WOODS HAS A HUGE BUILDING

Looks like Rion has been cruising my turf. It's always interesting to see your city through someone else's eyes. It refreshes the things you take for granted.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, GOD: ANSWERS THE FRIDAY 5

1. What was/is your favorite subject in school? Why?

My favorite class, subject, in school was one that challenged both mind and soul. There is a deep fondness in my heart for, Geography. I mean, you get to see the world, learn of strange places, see magnificent places that you would never get to see. Then I became an actor, and I could visit these places I learned of. For Sleepy Hollow, we went to England. Do you have any idea where England is? It's somewhere to the East, very far.

2. Who was your favorite teacher? Why?

My favorite teacher was the bombshell Ms. Valentino in my 5th grade math class, a bombshell. But truly, the greatest teacher, is life, experience. If you want to learn how to build a house, build a house. Don't ask anybody, just build a house. I mean look at the character Max Shreck, I don't think he learned anything.

3. What is your favorite memory of school?

My favorite memory from school, ah this is brilliant. One time, in the 4th grade, Billy Jacobs and myself were having a classic showdown in the contest of marbles. Do kids play, marbles, anymore? Anyway, the young Mr. Jacobs came out to the be victor of the challenge. So the night I rode my bike to his house, I pithed the family tabby and wrapped it in an empty marble bag. It had to be done, do you understand? Had to be done.

4. What was your favorite recess game?

Oh recess. That was the time when the boys could be boys. Around recess time, some of the older neighborhood boys would come to the playground. They taught us games, like, "Ditch the Pigs," "Sell the dope," and my favorite, "Gang Initiation Beating." Very exciting that game. Once, when I was a 5th grader, I kicked a 2nd grader within a inch of his life. Very exciting. To this day, I don't think he found all his teeth.

5. What did you hate most about school?

I loathed the other children. Their nice clothes, fancy shoes, I hated their laughing. I hate the laughing...

Mr. Christopher Walken everyone. Do your own Friday Five.

WELL CALL ME MR. BUTTERFINGERS

Within the corporate cubicle community, it's a sure thing that people will try to decorate their areas with personal items or any small, sad relic that somehow makes them feel like being at work is ALMOST like being at home. These people are called "sad."

But that's getting off track. I work within the confines of what is the "Health & Safety" department of my HUGE corporation. Someone dies on the job, we know about it. Someone severs a limb, we know about it. Someone gets a papercut, we know about it. You get my point. Essentially, we keep track of the people who think sticking their arms in heavy machinery is a good way to fix it. We're also the ones who say, "Don't touch those sharp edges," and "Don't run with vats of acid." Okay, I'm still off track.

The lady who sits in the cube next to me ventured off to Seattle one weekend and found herself in a store that dealt in oddity antiques. She came across a mirror that she purchased and then quietly hung in her cubicle. The mirror itself is surrounded by eight illustrations: a man with his arm stuck in a meat grinder, a man with his wrist being severed by a band saw, a man being electrocuted by power lines, an explosion at a factory, molten steel raining on a couple of guys (my personal favorite), a box at a shipyard about to crush some workers, a plane wreck, and a sinking boat that just happened to be in shark infested waters.

I've linked a few pictures so that you can see the carnage up close.

1 | 2 | 3

THE MANY FACES OF THE DOMO-KUN

In another battle with the God of Boredom, I have put together a short but mildly entertaining collection of all my Domo-kun usage. It's not much, but I'm lacking in things to write on write now. And there are many more Domo-photos to come that will probably be added in the future.

Enter the retrospective

1 - 0

GO BEARS!

KHAN, ANGRY SPACE GUY: ANSWERS THE FRIDAY FIVE

1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?

My biggest pet peeve would surely be that blasted Captain James T. Kirk. We have quite a history you know. That bastard had me exiled to a desolate planet, then I tried to kill him. Oh, and I LOATHE screaming babies in restaurants. Come on, I almost defeated the flagship of Starfleet, how hard can it be to control your kids?

2. What irritating habits do you have?

Gee, I don't know. I'd say my temper. And some people have told me when I'm angry, I get to dramatic. Apparently at sometime I yelled out, "From hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." Honestly, I don't even know what that means. And then there's the hostile take over of planets, my hatred of select individuals, and I chew with my mouth open.

3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?

Yes I have, on several occasions. But no matter what, I just find myself chewing away, mouth WIDE open. It's terrible, I think people lose respect for me because of it. I also tried yelling, "I'm going to KICK your ASS!" when I was upset. However there's something lost in the message there.

4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?

I do this thing with these worm-like creatures, where I put them in someone's ear and they allow me to then control my victim's minds. That's not gross, however the clean up AFTER the worms exit is the NASTIEST s*** you have ever seen. It's all gray and slimy and if you get it on your clothes, that crap doesn't wash out. It's just gross.

5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?

Well there's that whole obeying authority thing, but other than that, I'd have to say...dance clubs. The thumping music, the flashing lights, the grinding pelvis'. Oh man, that kind of stuff is totally not for a guy like me. Someone would probably make me spill my beer and the next thing you know, I'm miles above Earth getting ready to photon torpedo the joint. I'll steer clear of those places.

Khan is from Wrath of Khan. Do your own Friday Five.

GOLD BOX THURSDAYS


Due to our extreme boredom, Alison and I decided to try and get something going in the fashion of the Friday Five. We came up with "Gold Box Thursday," where every Thursday one would post the five magical contents of their Amazon.com Gold Box. So without further babble, here are today's contents of my Gold Box...

Swings n' Things 586 Hammock Stand
10-Slot Hardwood Knife Block
Stainless Steel Deluxe Food Mill
External 16x10x40 USB 2.0 CD-RW Drive
Disney Once Upon a Princess - 4-piece Infant Bedding Set

Thank you Amazon for such a wonderful assortment of crap!

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE

Semi-related to the high school topic of yesterday, I decided to be daring and scan in my senior photo from 1996. Needless to say, a few things have changed and probably for the better. And for the record that IS the 1990's classic haircut style, the "bowl cut."

then | now

And just for kicks, there's always the grade school years...

Pre-school | Kindergarten | 1st Grade
2nd Grade | 3rd Grade | 5th Grade

SOME 3650 DAYS LATER

So last week, Mac e-mailed me with a web page category question, and the conversation eventually came to the topic of our ten year reunion.

In just about three months, the graduating class of Libertyville High School, class of 1996, will be getting some form of strange invite from some small faction of our class that has been eagerly anticipating this day since we got our diplomas. What's even sadder perhaps is the fact that I can picture some of them, still donning their LHS orange and black cheerleading outfits, huddled around a table going, "Eew, do we have to invite him/her/them?"

Am I alone in thinking that ten year reunions aren't what they used to be? I'm sure that back in the day, people had reunions because they didn't have the extensive abilities to communicate with each other like we do today. They had the long lost art of the post office. I'm sure in the 40's and 50's, I would have lost contact with Kyle or Bruen or Jeff. But now they're just an e-mail away so I don't need a reunion to catch up with them. The entire nature of the reunion has changed. It ends up being one of those "life reminders" like weddings* and babies*, where you sit back and mumble, "Jesus, I'm getting old."

Now it seems like the reunions are almost there as a comparison of status. "What have you done in ten years?" I know my personal story isn't that great and sometimes I'm pretty embarrassed by it. I should have been doing better things by now, but that's a whole different rant. Regardless, there's always that feeling of underachievement that will bind itself to the ten year reunion with me. And maybe it isn't so much that I dislike comparing myself to other classmates, than it is realizing that I'm way off my path. Ugh.

Anyway, for the same reasons I loathe seeing people I graduated with in public, I loathe the idea of going to the ten year reunion. The fact that we have to replay the last ten years of our lives over and over and over and over and over. I mean 99% of the people that I graduated with, I haven't kept in touch with...for a reason (does anyone really know where Phil Erisman went?). If I haven't talked to you in ten years, what makes you think I want to talk to you now? I can hear Kyle giving me his "burning bridges" speech again after this. What's the appeal in trying to talk to people that I barely had anything in common with for four years, and then trying to do it again ten years later?

It kind makes me think of prom. People getting together, listening to the trendy music of the time. You know we're going to listen to endless Pearl Jam tracks sprinkled with the one hit wonders of the day. Everyone probably dressed real nice to impress the others and then within an hour, all those little high school "cliques" come back and people separate. But I never went to prom.

I told Mac that the chances of me attending the ten year were pretty slim, and if we were to go, we'd be going in a certain style and I would most likely be packing "heat." My bundle of friends seem undecided right now, but I'm pretty sure most of us will have reasons not to go. I guess I still have three years to make myself feel worthy of attending the reunion so don't cross me off the list just yet.

[Talking to his psychiatrist about his high school reunion.]
Marty: They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

* Note related to weddings: At the recent Bruma wedding, they played Peter Gabriel's, "In Your Eyes." Kyle and Sarah had a conversation worth recording.

Sarah: I like this song.
Kyle: I like it a lot too.
Sarah: You should, it was our wedding song, you f***.

Sweet bliss.

SLOW

Nothing new to report.