I swear I'm not this stupid.

Exciting birthday photos.

Synthroid is a Decepticon, shaped like the old, portable Casio keyboards. And in the movie, he'd be voiced by Ron Silver.

Okay, okay. Synthroid is not a Transformer. In actuality, it's the yellow pill I'll probably be taking every day at eight o'clock in the morning for the rest of my life.

Last Friday, the 10th, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist. I follow him into his office where we go through the "does he have a thyroid problem" checklist. After I answer "no" to most things, doc looks over the top of his glasses, puts his hand on his chin and leaves me blowing in the breeze of suspense while he looks me over.

Since words weren't enough, doc leads me into an exam room where it's strip-to-my-birthday suit time once again. Of course there was a fancy paper gown waiting for me. Which, I'm sure most of us will agree are the most ridiculous solution to medical office nudity. I'd rather just sit there, boys to the world, than fuss with trying to hop back up on that table and fight to keep the stupid thing on.

Doc rolls in and goes over the routine. Feeling this, poking that, thumping on whatever he needs to thump on. Then he hops up on the table behind me, grabs my neck and in a second goes, "Oh YEAH. This IS Hashimoto's Disease." We really needed to get me in that gown to figure that out? Whatevs.

I get dressed and a nurse comes back in. We'll call her Mistress Natasha because this little old Russian lady performed the most painful blood I've had yet. It was like she sharpened the end of a rain gutter and jabbed in my arm. A week later, it's still bruised. Thank you Mistress Natasha.

When doc comes back in, he makes everything crystal clear for me. He wanted to do his own blood tests because his are more focused than that of my regular doctor. He also drew a nice diagram of how my thyroid works, how anti-bodies are eating my thyroid and the whole circle of life that's going on in my neck. When I left, we decided to wait on pills because there might be a chance that I only had a mild case of the Hashi.

Wednesday's phone call from the doctor would reveal that not to be true. Basically, my anti-bodies have created an army and are whooping on Fort Thyroid. Doc tells me to start pills that night.

So here we are today. I haven't noticed any change in my body or behavior yet, I'm not really expecting to I guess since the problem itself isn't really affecting me very much. And I also spit water all over my computer when I found the Synthroid site has a How to Cope page.

I just wish Synthroid had a good commercial...

Labels: hashimoto's disease, ron silver, synthroid, transformers

I almost bought this just because it was five dollars.

"Fans of FX's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" won't have to wait until September to get a dose of the show's dense deviants."

This is the most morbidly fascinating app I've ever seen.

It's been awhile since my last celebrity sighting update. Since then, there's been a bunch of them and more run-ins with JLC. But being that my sighting today involved one of my homosexual crushes (see Paul Rudd below) and it's my birthday, I had to revive the sighting.

WHO: Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd
WHERE: Corner of Rosewood Ave & Fairfax Ave
CELEB GRADE: A, B+, A+

Connie and I were looking for parking because the Canter's lot was full. We rolled down Rosewood and the trio was on the corner. Looking back, I'm upset I didn't use my "special day" to demand a photo.

Eff.

Previous Celeb Sightings: Billy Drago, Elizabeth Berkley, Audrina Patridge, Breckin Meyer, Seth Rogen, Bob Saget (part 2), Arnold Vosloo, Deep Roy, Kiefer Sutherland, Broken Lizard (Michael Weaver, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske), Joshua Jackson, Jamie Lee Curtis (part 2), Dennis Rodman, Billy Dee Williams, Danica McKellar, Edward Herman, Arden Mytin, Keanu Reeves, Justine Bateman, Carl Reiner, Jessica Simpson, Greg Pitts, Mischa Barton, Jamie Lee Curtis, Luke Perry, The Hilfigers

It's no secret that, aside from the blind, Connie hates nerds.

The notion of walking near an EB Games (once known as Babbages), or watching me talking into my Xbox headset, or anything that she may perceive as "nerdy" sends her into a fit of rage.

Last night the nerds revolted.

Connie was checking our bank statements and had received and e-mail that our account had been flagged for possible fraudulent charges. When Connie looked into the matter, she found charges made to Runescape, NCSoft (which is already apparently involved in a class-action lawsuit for fraud), and the topper, purchases of World of Warcraft accounts from Blizzard Entertainment.

The bank stopped thousands of dollars from being swiped from our account, but Connie is probably going to by a bow and go nerd hunting soon.

Yesterday, my doctor called and wanted me to stop in for another blood draw since my last two came up showing very little thyroid activity. He was also waiting on my ultrasound from Monday's fun.

I got to the office early this morning, figuring they could draw blood and I'd be on my way.

No dice. Turns out the doc had just been looking over my ultrasound and was actually leaving me a message at work while I was sitting there waiting. The nurse told doc I was there and pointed me into an exam room.

Doc hands me a piece of paper from the imaging clinic confirming I have what's called, Hashimoto's Disease. It sadly has nothing to do with drawing anime characters and a desire to put a ridiculous spoiler on my car. It's not life threatening or anything, just needs to be watched.

The weird part is that while it's affecting me, it's not really affecting me. I don't exhibit the symptoms, or exhibit them in a red-alert fashion. So Friday morning, I'm going to a thyroid specialist and we'll go from there. Doc wants to get the thyroid fixed first and see if that has any affect on blood pressure.

Lesson learned...don't wait long to go to the doctor's.

You know what's not that fun on a Monday morning? An ultrasound of your throat.

After I got my test results back from my first doctor's appointment, he was a little alarmed by my thyroid activity, or lack thereof. He noted that people with similar activity are often losing hair, have nasty dry skin, are physically exhausted and have bowel issues. I thankfully have none of the above.

So at my follow up, he felt my thyroid again, and didn't notice anything odd and referred me to an imaging clinic in Beverly Hills.

So that's where I went this morning to have goop spattered on my neck and something shoved against my throat for about 40 minutes.

I think the most alarming thing about ultrasounds is that the technicians don't show their cards. There's never a "hmm" or "ah-ha!" It's just robotic silence as they move the device across whatever it is they're scanning. Maybe the machines could make the occasional triumphant horn sound, just to make me feel better.

And doc must have left me a message Friday night. My murmur isn't severe, just gotta keep an eye on it. But the blood pressure is still an issue. Gotta find out what the next steps are for that.

I smell like medical lube.