THE QUESTION THAT IS ON EVERYONE'S MIND
If we don't have sex, what do we do?
Yesterday, while searching the internet for what some of us thought was a movie quote, I came across this most interesting web page.
Now before I continue, the web page is apparently about alternatives to not only abortion, but the steps and "activities" that lead one down a road where abortion might be an option. The aforementioned web page in no way reflects the views of the sliozis.com management. I also don't care to turn this into a political forum about abortion either, just sit back, put the guns and bibles down, and try to find humor in this page.
After reading the "If We Don't Have Sex, What Do We Do?" page, I was at first trying to figure out what age group they were targeting here. For example they talk about avoiding sexual situations like this, "It’s like playing a video game. After a while you know the traps and the dangers and you take action to avoid them before you get blasted. Same thing here." Wow. I'm guessing that this was penned by some 36 year-old who is afraid of girls and spends his days counting down to the next Final Fantasy release. Video games?
The site also teaches you great social tact when discussing "the sex" with a date. "Want some fun? Before you go out, bring up the fact that you are not at all interested in getting involved sexually." Yeah, that sounds like fun. "Hi, I barely know you but I want you to know now that the chances of us ever being intimate or me even seeing you naked are slim to none. And frankly, the idea of your bare bosom scares the crap out of me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play Final Fantasy." Nothing opens the door for a second date more than honesty.
Then the authors of this page also tell you how to choose your friends and how disastrous peer pressure can be to your non-sexual self. "That’s why it’s important to choose friends who share your values. Then you will hear things from friends that reinforce your commitment, not wear it down. The same goes for people you date. If you know someone is a player or partier, don’t go out with him or her. You are only setting yourself up!" Because you know, people don't change. So if you really like a "player" or "partier" they'll always be that way and basically try to have sex with you. We all know that all people who like to have fun are really just trying to get some ass.
So I sent this page to average, white male, middle America guy, H.R. and he responded to the site like this:
I asked myself why on all of these questions from that web page?
"Don’t leave blocks of time where you have nothing to do, especially when you are alone at home or in a car."
Why not? You need to take the other person home sometime or another. The only way to avoid any sexual situation is having to park your car in the city (it's not fun) and when someone's home is filled with people.
"Going out in groups insures that you will stay out of tempting situations."
HOW???? All my friends talk and think about is sex.
"Hand holding, hugging and kissing (that doesn’t mean making out) are OK. But basically anything below the neck is off limits if you are serious about creating a pure, long lasting relationship."
COME ON NOW! You start with the hand holding, hugging and kissing...which leads to everythign below the neck...am I right? You can't just dive right in no matter what your doing. Jesus H Christ...bring on the Domo-kuns!
For the record, I think H.R. ending with "Jesus H Christ...bring on the Domo-kuns!" was just brilliant.
Anyway, the page continues and finishes up with "55 Fun Things to do Instead of Sex." I'm not even sure I can explain how bad this list is but I'm going to cover the highlights. And I'd also like to state that most of these are just starters for walking down the trail to fornication and sin.
Lets start with "5. Slide down a grass hill on a block of ice," what the HELL is that? Where the hell does one even get a "block of ice" in the middle of summer? Next is "13. Wash each other’s car," woohoo. Or how about "19. Dedicate a song on the radio," there's twenty seconds gone, now what? "27. Go to church together," I don't need to comment on that one. "28. Dress up and go to McDonald’s," dress up? As what? Or do they mean like suit and tie? Apparently whoever wrote this came from a town where Le McDonald's is the IT place to go. "30. Send a funny card," BAM, another twenty seconds, now what?
This is probably the most retarded one, "35. Chop up things in the blender and make 'food-art'," what in God's name is "food-art?" Or there's "39. Have breakfast at sunrise," which to me says she was already AT your house which probably means this entire list was null and void. "41. Spend an evening with each other’s families," HA, if you only knew my girlfriend's family. "44. Take a fun class at your community college together," no. "53. Blow up balloons and stuff a friends car," which means HOURS of entertainment. And finally there's always, "54. Have a canned whipped cream fight outside," hello? Whipped cream? Jesus, if that doesn't lead to sex, I don't know what will.
So really, I can't say that this page helped at all. And I'm wondering what kind of life the author leads if he or she believes that all of those things are "fun" and "innocent." And I'm also willing to bet that if it is a guy, once he finishes playing Final Fantasy he proceeds to stare at the Britney Spears poster on his wall and then kills some kittens.
Thanks to Bess and Alison for the linkage.
If we don't have sex, what do we do?
Yesterday, while searching the internet for what some of us thought was a movie quote, I came across this most interesting web page.
Now before I continue, the web page is apparently about alternatives to not only abortion, but the steps and "activities" that lead one down a road where abortion might be an option. The aforementioned web page in no way reflects the views of the sliozis.com management. I also don't care to turn this into a political forum about abortion either, just sit back, put the guns and bibles down, and try to find humor in this page.
After reading the "If We Don't Have Sex, What Do We Do?" page, I was at first trying to figure out what age group they were targeting here. For example they talk about avoiding sexual situations like this, "It’s like playing a video game. After a while you know the traps and the dangers and you take action to avoid them before you get blasted. Same thing here." Wow. I'm guessing that this was penned by some 36 year-old who is afraid of girls and spends his days counting down to the next Final Fantasy release. Video games?
The site also teaches you great social tact when discussing "the sex" with a date. "Want some fun? Before you go out, bring up the fact that you are not at all interested in getting involved sexually." Yeah, that sounds like fun. "Hi, I barely know you but I want you to know now that the chances of us ever being intimate or me even seeing you naked are slim to none. And frankly, the idea of your bare bosom scares the crap out of me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play Final Fantasy." Nothing opens the door for a second date more than honesty.
Then the authors of this page also tell you how to choose your friends and how disastrous peer pressure can be to your non-sexual self. "That’s why it’s important to choose friends who share your values. Then you will hear things from friends that reinforce your commitment, not wear it down. The same goes for people you date. If you know someone is a player or partier, don’t go out with him or her. You are only setting yourself up!" Because you know, people don't change. So if you really like a "player" or "partier" they'll always be that way and basically try to have sex with you. We all know that all people who like to have fun are really just trying to get some ass.
So I sent this page to average, white male, middle America guy, H.R. and he responded to the site like this:
I asked myself why on all of these questions from that web page?
"Don’t leave blocks of time where you have nothing to do, especially when you are alone at home or in a car."
Why not? You need to take the other person home sometime or another. The only way to avoid any sexual situation is having to park your car in the city (it's not fun) and when someone's home is filled with people.
"Going out in groups insures that you will stay out of tempting situations."
HOW???? All my friends talk and think about is sex.
"Hand holding, hugging and kissing (that doesn’t mean making out) are OK. But basically anything below the neck is off limits if you are serious about creating a pure, long lasting relationship."
COME ON NOW! You start with the hand holding, hugging and kissing...which leads to everythign below the neck...am I right? You can't just dive right in no matter what your doing. Jesus H Christ...bring on the Domo-kuns!
For the record, I think H.R. ending with "Jesus H Christ...bring on the Domo-kuns!" was just brilliant.
Anyway, the page continues and finishes up with "55 Fun Things to do Instead of Sex." I'm not even sure I can explain how bad this list is but I'm going to cover the highlights. And I'd also like to state that most of these are just starters for walking down the trail to fornication and sin.
Lets start with "5. Slide down a grass hill on a block of ice," what the HELL is that? Where the hell does one even get a "block of ice" in the middle of summer? Next is "13. Wash each other’s car," woohoo. Or how about "19. Dedicate a song on the radio," there's twenty seconds gone, now what? "27. Go to church together," I don't need to comment on that one. "28. Dress up and go to McDonald’s," dress up? As what? Or do they mean like suit and tie? Apparently whoever wrote this came from a town where Le McDonald's is the IT place to go. "30. Send a funny card," BAM, another twenty seconds, now what?
This is probably the most retarded one, "35. Chop up things in the blender and make 'food-art'," what in God's name is "food-art?" Or there's "39. Have breakfast at sunrise," which to me says she was already AT your house which probably means this entire list was null and void. "41. Spend an evening with each other’s families," HA, if you only knew my girlfriend's family. "44. Take a fun class at your community college together," no. "53. Blow up balloons and stuff a friends car," which means HOURS of entertainment. And finally there's always, "54. Have a canned whipped cream fight outside," hello? Whipped cream? Jesus, if that doesn't lead to sex, I don't know what will.
So really, I can't say that this page helped at all. And I'm wondering what kind of life the author leads if he or she believes that all of those things are "fun" and "innocent." And I'm also willing to bet that if it is a guy, once he finishes playing Final Fantasy he proceeds to stare at the Britney Spears poster on his wall and then kills some kittens.
Thanks to Bess and Alison for the linkage.