"Look, Airborne is great. I wouldn't go on a movie set without it; it's on my plane and in my house.” - Kevin Costner, Hollywood, CA

Mr. Costner is of course talking about the now legendary Airborne, the "effervescent health formula."

I've had two nasty colds in the last four months. And in each case, some little voice in my head said, "when you feel a cold coming on, go get Airborne!" Fine. I'll try it. Who wants to be sick?

When I felt the first cold I felt moving in, I skipped over to my local Ralph's, bought Airborne and orange juice and figured I'd just keep on skipping. I took the Airborne accordingly.

That weekend, I had an all out assult on my sinuses.

My first reaction was self-blame. "Okay, maybe I didn't get the Airborne early enough." I got better and moved on.

The second cold batted at my health like a kitten Monday night. On the way home from work, I went to Ralph's and bought more Airborne and more orange juice. I'll wrap this up by saying a few hours later, all hell was breaking loose inside the walls of my face and Wednesday I had a fever that had me near hallucinatory while I tried to sleep (seriously...there's a school near us and I clearly remember thinking, "Listen to the children laugh! It's so...CLEAR!").

So some twelve dollars later, I'm still sick. I might as well have been popping Sweetarts (and yes, that's how it's spelled...weird, I know). Somewhere, there's a rich 2nd grade school teacher, relaxing on a tropical beach...and quietly sniffling.

Oh, and when was the last time Costner was on a movie set? Come on...and Rumor Has It doesn't count...